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i never said she stole my money

aprildriverward asked: How old are you

Twenty! (I started this tumblr 7 years ago now! Time flies.)


0 notes
gudroo:
“this is the last year that we can make this stupid joke so im going to make the most of it and post it every day until 2020
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gudroo:

this is the last year that we can make this stupid joke so im going to make the most of it and post it every day until 2020


64,222 notes
ontarom:
“Does anybody remember this “go nuts, show nuts, whatever” gem? Oh how the mighty have fallen.
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ontarom:

Does anybody remember this “go nuts, show nuts, whatever” gem? Oh how the mighty have fallen.


191,204 notes

shucktsubo:

ginger-ale-official:

musclemancer:

ginger-ale-official:

musclemancer:

there is no difference between coke, pepsi, doctored pepper, sprites, ginger’s ale, root’s beered, mountain do, all of them. theyre all exactly the same.

hohoho! comparing these other drinks to ginger ale is like sticking you hand in a blender! because in both situations… heh you’ll know soon enough

hi “ginger-ale-official”.

thanks for your comment on my post.

except, no thanks.

your heart will stop beating at 9:10 PM EST on 2018/04/30

make the best of your remaining time!

Venus :)

I got rid of my heart twenty five years ago to make room! (for ginger ale) do not fear though friend! Your reckoning will soon be upon you!

I am witnessing a conversation between two gods.


156,405 notes

thatgirlwithfeels:

randomthingsthatilike123:

wintersoldierfell:

cryptiboy:

jukebox-head:

bonepoem:

ryrosryhoe:

jackironsides:

pleaseexorciseme:

John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

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Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

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He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera

What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.

Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.

And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.

Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.

Doesnt his wife also work with antiques too?like. Isnt that part of her actual job?

I reblog this every time because I don’t think people understand that Anna is literally an interior designer. She makes absolutely stunning Victorian Lampshades. Which she designs.. for the interior of a home… she’s literally an interior designer. She doesn’t think she’s good at it, she knows she’s good at it because it’s her fucking job


279,808 notes

actuallynotsureaboutthat:

emocountdracula:

oreoprince:

listen……. ‘my love’ is literally the strongest and greatest pet name in existence. there is literally nothin better than somone callin you that….. especially when things are soft and quiet and they look at you with utter adoration and whisper “what’s the matter, my love??” or “i hope everything is okay with you, my love” like oh my god?? let me marry you already

“Would you kill me, my love?”

For wakanda, without a doubt


338,859 notes
mosoli:
“im still laughing at this
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mosoli:

im still laughing at this


1,034,641 notes

lvl-5-kobold:

i just had the funniest experience in vr chat, i joined a random server and the one i joined had Japanese people so i waddled around in my goofy club penguin avatar that i have saved, after a while a guy walks up to me and clones my avatar so were both penguins then another guy shows up and clone my avatar

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now keep in mind there only speaking Japanese i don’t know what they are saying, then another guy joins in, so i got a group of three penguin friends

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we just waddle around and goof about, the one of them tries to talk to me, but not only do i not have a mic i also don’t speak Japanese, they figure out i don’t speak Japanese and start listing various places, they get the part of being European right, and after listing a lot of places they ask if im from the UK and when i nod they all just start cheering. after hanging out for a while one of them gets real close to me and whispers…

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“penguin brothers forever”


127,401 notes

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

eccentricandfantastic:

zombeesknees:

geekprince:

What’s better than this?! The Wonder Woman theme was performed on an electric cello?!!

#just end me   #someone add fireworks to that cello and strap her to a truck in the wasteland shredding to valhalla

Y’ALL THAT IS TINA GUO AND YES SHE PERFORMED THE WONDER WOMAN THEME FOR THE MOVE SCORE.

THIS WOMAN IS MADE OF AWESOME :D


217,285 notes

shabadadu:

tilthat:

TIL of Carl, a 5-year-old deaf boxer who is unbothered by court noises and accompanies kids during depositions and trials. He offers a sense of protection for children while they face their abusers in court.

via reddit.com

Dude I really honest to god thought there was some 5 year old professional boxer out here helping other kids and like to find out its about a dog just really shook my core


128,132 notes

l-laymitch:

“that must be the uvula”

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“oh, so its a girl house”

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240,839 notes
djfunko:
“ luidilovins:
“I will reblog this until you’re all sick of me
”
I will never grow sick of this
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djfunko:

luidilovins:

I will reblog this until you’re all sick of me

I will never grow sick of this


120,427 notes
ftcreature:
“Have you ever stopped to think about how small a hummingbird’s nest is?
(Photo)
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ftcreature:

Have you ever stopped to think about how small a hummingbird’s nest is?

(Photo)


4,880 notes
i never said she stole my money
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